Friday, July 31, 2009

#127 - Spammers

 Warning: I am giving my point of view on Spammers. 

If you think you're one and came to the wrong blog, I suggest you keep your comments to yourself. Or perhaps read on to find how stupid and immature you are. It's not too late to stop you know. 

Foreword: Any real life situations that resembles the ideas mentioned here are purely coincidental. *acts super innocent*
Don't even try suing me, I have no money anyway. Huhu. (whistles)

Spammers have no life like seriously.
All they do is just visit your blog, tag rubbish and then wait till the next day to see your response/reaction.
How cool is that.

10 Facts About Spammers

1. They don't (dare to) type their real names.
Most of the time, spammers like to type their fake names, because they have no balls.
They only dared to say bad things about you behind their computer monitor because they dare not confront you. Some examples of the common COWARD's names used are Anonymous, YOUSUCK, (insertyourname) SUCKS, Nobody, passerby, all those lame act cute names and the worst of all is that they all suck at spelling words. Some dk how to spell anonymous and ended up making a fool of themselves. One of my friend had a spammer called 'Annoymous.' Wow, maybe it was pun intended.

2. They criticized and defamed you and make up stories of you that might even keep you entertain.
You know, spammers usually type whatever that comes to their mind, thus they don't really bother to think. Common stuff they typed are like "You're a bitch. You suck." So common. Some creative one will try to act clever but I can't seem to think of a good example at the moment. Probably because my brain doesn't want me to waste my brain cells over such minor stuff.

Anyway, dude, you know that BITCH means Babe In Total Control of Herself? Or this story which goes like, "You call me a bitch? A bitch is a female dog, a dog barks, and bark come from trees, trees are part of the Nature and Nature is BEAUTIFUL, thanks for complimenting that I'm beautiful."?

They also like to repeat stuff which all meant the same which meant that, as I infer, they suck at Summary Writing because they dk how to categorise things and put them together into one. Just get to the point and not keep on emphasising on it. I feel that they might score for paraphrasing though, since they know how to write a same thing in so many different ways. :)

3. They all want their one minute of fame.
If you never respond to them, they say you ignore them, act innocent and insert a long string of vulgarities.
If you delete their tags, they still say you ignore them, act innocent and insert a long string of vulgarities.

So ultimately, you've got to dedicate one entry just for them. But wait, a few words like you've got no life or get a life is not enough. They're fame hungry. They desire long lengthy entries which emphasises on how impactful they're to you, how much they meant to you, etc. As long as it's 3 paragraphs long, they're contented.

Here's an advice if you're planning to give them their desired fame, make sure you include justifications and reasonings in your opinions. You wouldn't want to give them loopholes to throw their balls into. *winks* (Whoops, I forgot they've got no balls. I apologise for not remembering that.)

4. They like to 'show off' their vulgarities.
The vulgarities come in different languages, hokkien and english mainly. Okay. It's considered minimal. But they like to act as though they really know alot. How? By typing one whole string with no punctuations that is. I often imagine them trying to say that long string of vulgarities out in one breath. It makes me laugh. Maybe they can go invent new stuff like vulgarities tongue twisters, then compete with one another and see who is better. :)

5. They type in broken English and suck at spelling and punctuation.
Have you ever encounter spammers who type things like "You are a bitch. In my humble opinion, you suck. You have no breasts, you cannot even get breast cancer. Do you think you're very pretty? I beg to differ."
If you do, tell me. I need to be impressed by it.

6. They have a lot of time to spare.
They spam your blog. Then they have to keep on checking back to see if you respond. Wait Click Refresh Wait Click Refresh Wait Click Refresh Wait Click Refresh.  The cycle goes on. Two words: No Life. Don't you have better things to do? *scratches head*

7. They are stupid and immature.
Spamming to get rid of your hatred for that person? Spamming to make that person upset? Wow. You know by spamming, you're still having a close relationship with that person? Since you hate that person, why don't you stay far away from him/her and stop sitting in front of your computer furiously typing lies about someone?

8. They like to jump to conclusions or anyhow link.
In History Essay terms, they provide the F(actor), left out the EE and then give a lousy L(ink).
In simple terms, they basically just assume with nothing to back up what they say. They often make use of all the things you have to say and then try to dig out things to say. I bet they'd fail their General Paper because like I've said, they just assume. Hello? (Mr Soh 上身) That's only your OPINION, your ASSUMPTION. Where are your JUSTIFICATIONS and REASONINGS? Where are your EVIDENCE and EVALUATION? You are only giving your *coughs* humble opinion over here.(doh)

I suggest before you even tag and anyhow jump to conclusions, go gather your resources first if not you might get owned. I also suggest you to try different forms of Research Methodology (Project Work) like eg. conducting surveys. I strongly recommend Survey Monkey, it is free, you just need to create an account and then think of the survey's questions you want to ask. They can even draw bar graphs or even pie chart for you, it's that easy! Please call 1800-123-4567 for more details.

9. (For those who chose to counter-attack back) They only choose to reply to some of the things you respond to them.
Why? Because they dk how to respond back for the rest of the things you say. They are afraid that they might get owned and lose the 'blog war'.
But they often lack creativity and choose to say the same things over and over again. Aren't they sick of it? We are sick of it already. In fact we can even predict what they're gonna say next.

Oh and I realise that they often contradict themselves, I have seriously no idea what they are trying to say. Perhaps they have some form of disability which make them unable to express out what they are trying to say? All these we would never know, because we are not lame people who are immature and have lots of free time to do such things. :)

10. They have no life. *refer to start of the entry.
Need I say more? :D

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Be nice, rude people suck.