#258 - Are you up for it?

Exactly 4 months till A Levels officially start.

Are you up for it?

Sad to say, I am not ready. AT ALL.

Results are not showing, I am not working hard enough.

I know I didn't study hard this time round and the results reflected it.

But it's still quite disappointing.

I really want to get into an university badly.

I've chosen this path I must complete it.

I don't want to end up having an 'O' Level certificate as my highest qualification.

Kept on having negative thoughts now actually.

Many many 'what ifs' inside my head.

I have no fucking idea what to do.

On the verge of breaking down and yet I don't want people to see me like this.

Yet if I bottle it up, it will be horrible.

Sometimes I guess crying helps.

Even though it can't really do much, part of the stress are being released through this way.

Or maybe I should laugh more?

They say laughter releases stress.

But it's kind of hard to put on a brave front everyday and claim that everything is fine.

Everything is so not fine.

My studies suck and my future could be at stake.

I need to buck up already.

I don't want to be the one left behind.

Had a long conversation with a friend a few days ago.

He told me he was not ready for As and felt that he will not be able to get into the university.

I said, "It's your choice. It depends on how badly you want it, you gotta fight for it. Work hard aim high."

He said he just wanted to prepare himself and face the reality (that he might not conquer As).

I said, "Facing reality? It hasn't even happened yet. Instead of thinking what will happen, why no make that something you WANT happen?"

I tried telling myself this.

Or worse, convince myself about it.

I hope it works.

***

Lose Yourself - Eminem

Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity,

To seize everything you ever wanted - One moment

Would you capture it or just let it slip

You own it, you better never let it go

You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow

This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo

I MUST WILL CONQUER 'A' LEVELS!